Face To Face with Life

Why do you always keep cribbing and crying, She asked me? I never had answers to her questions, she asked me questions which I never wanted to answer, made me go through lanes of my past, which I always wanted to forget! Why did she ever come into my life? As I got ready for work, I decided, no matter what, today I won’t let her dominate me!! Today I will confront her with questions!! I reached my work place and had a wonderful day at work, a few times, as though through an inner intuition I did certain things and guess what, a long persisting problem resolved, everyone was happy!! I came back home and made myself a steaming cup of coffee. A much deserved one I felt!

As I cozened myself, on the sofa, suddenly I looked on my right, and there she was, my self-proclaimed well-wisher, waiting for me, with a wicked smile on her face!! I looked at her and grinned, today I will suppress her!!

"So, long time no see, where were you these days?? " I asked her. She smiled and said, "I am always with you, just that you refuse to see me!". “Oh really, and what purpose is this visit for" I asked her. She replied saying, "All for your welfare". Then started a series of question and answers!!

Me: Why do u keep bugging me like this. Who are you, and why do u come here!!
She: I m your friend, just that you never look upon me as one!!

Me: okay, fine, let’s sort this today; what is it that you want to talk about!!
She: Ok, now that you have come to the point, let me ask u, why are u so sad??

Me: (laughing): You must be kidding me girl, I m so happy, I solved my problem today!!
She: Oh really, that’s good, why does your heart cry then!

Me: Nope, I m not crying, I m feeling so relaxed and happy!!
She: It is easy to fool your own self and the world, but not me!! Do u want me to start it!!
Fine, tell me, what happened that rainy night!!

My thoughts went racing into the past, into a dark and a long night!! It was raining very heavily. Adventurous that I was, I decided to go for a drive! I called up my best friend, Ronnie and she came to my place, ready for a wonderful night! What we didn’t know was, it was going to spell disaster!! I unlocked my car and started towards a place called Chilly Woods, a driving paradise, a beautiful place with wonderful lanes where I loved to go for long rides!! The rain, wonderful music really excited me! I was having the time of my life!! We were singing and laughing, suddenly I saw a car on the side of the road, it had slid off the road, a very bad accident, I slowed my car, and saw, there was a man bleeding. I instinctively stopped my car. We went near the man, he was breathing faintly, and he was still alive. I removed my cell phone, to call the ambulance. Ronnie stopped me, she was pointing to something. She was terrified. I looked where she was pointing, the man had a bullet injury on his shoulder and out of the corner I saw a black revolver in his hand. Oh my God, this is a police case. Nevertheless, I decided to call the police. As I dialed, Ronnie pulled my cell, canceled the call and said," Are you nuts? Don’t u see, this injury, why do we get entangled in police stuff" I argued saying, "out of humanity, I dodn’t care who he is, I m helping him". She dissuaded me saying "The police will first question our presence. Do u think all normal people, drive on such a rainy night to Chilly woods at one thirty!!" She made a point, I was scared now. What would I tell my parents, court case, police coming to my flat. I silently walked back to my car and we went home.

Next day morning, the headlines read "Good Samaritan, killed by Devils on Chilly Woods" . Apparently, the guy who died was a social worker, who had dedicated his life for the welfare of a village, fought against the superstitions and caste systems. The Village authorities, who feared he would take away their supremacy and power, had him killed. The report said, he died half an hour after he was shot at!! A black revolver was found in his hand, apparently, trying to make the scene look like a suicide. But the story came out, as an undisclosed witness complained against the village authorities. I was shocked, had I helped the man, he would have survived. I cursed Ronnie, called her and screamed at her for being mean and dissuading me. Before she said something, I hung the phone!!

A soft touch on my hand jolted me back to reality, tears streaming in my eyes I looked at my self-proclaimed well wisher and said "Why did u do this, why do u always make me walk through lanes I want to forget?". She smiled and said, "It wasn’t Ronnie's fault, she was scared, you must forgive her. Anyone in your place would have done that! Forgetting it is not the moral, but blaming her for your mistake isn’t correct either”. She told me how Ronnie had shut herself from the world after that! “If u feel so bad, you must resume the unfinished work for that village. Go and finish his task. What he dreamed. You have money and power!! Go do it. Crying and blaming are never solutions, learn to fight situations. That is the sign of a strong woman”.

I realized how wrong I was. My friend had really shown me my way. That evening I went to Ronnie's house hugged her and watched her melt into tears. We decided to forget all bygones and dedicate our lives to that village. That was all we could do for that wonderful man!!As I set towards that village I wished I met my well-wisher again. I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my well-wisher standing behind me.

I hugged her and said,

ME: Thanks for making me realize. I m so indebted to u!! What is your name??
She: same as yours.

Me: Hey that’s nice!! Can I ask u a question? How did u know I was suffering from inside and why did u help me!!

She gave me a beautiful smile and said "That’s my duty. Coz I m your conscience"!!!


That’s when I realized, I had come face to face with my life!! No matter what, always follow your conscience!!

Changing Times

I always loved looking at the mango tree, in our garden, I think it was planted even before my birth, years went by, seasons changed, people changed, status changed, but the mango tree remained the same!! It just grew taller and taller, and eventually got bored and stood still!!! Thoughts of my childhood gushed in like a wave... I have had wonderful memories of running and hiding around this tree, its branches were my swing, I would climb and sit on it and tease my younger brother, the taller the branch, higher would be my superiority and dominance on that kiddo! My poor grandma would tell bizarre and strange stories to keep us away from that tree. She loved her orchard, we used to call it my Grandma's family, most of her thoughts always used to be about the season for the chikko tree, the branches of the need tree, the ripe fruits of the mango tree!!

As soft winds played with my hair, I remembered, it was in these gardens that I used to study Long hours with my best friends( read books), a beautiful climate, the soft smell of grass, slow gurgling sound of the water in the well and a steaming cup of filter coffee!! I used to sleep on the grass and look at the blue sky; I could do this for all day long....

I couldn’t help noticing the big mound on the other side of the ground, I chuckled, it was a rather silly incident. Owing to the lovely orchard (courtesy grandma), our ground (read playground a rather big porch outside our bungalow), was a home to lot of birds, they used to visit us from morning and keep us engaged till the evening. We used to name them weirdly and the next day when we spotted a bird of a similar kind, we used to insist it was the same bird that we named the previous day!! Oh and we used to have awesome reasons to support our claim. Once a pigeon fell on our ground, and was eyed by Julie (our cat), we had to carry the poor bird and rescue her from the clutches of the stupid cat!! We fed her, made her a home of cardboard complete with doors and windows. But unfortunately she succumbed to her wounds, and that day I believe was kinda our dooms day...We were all inconsolable, even if one of us stopped crying, they would resume back, with the fear of being left out, finally after an hour or two when we had all cried enough and got tired and hungry doing so, we decided to give the bird a funeral....We were so young, we didn’t know what a funeral was, all we knew was, the dead were buried and if they were Hindus they were burnt. But since we were all scared of fire and that we didn’t know how to strike a match stick, we unanimously decided that the bird was not a Hindu and we needed to bury it...We got our weapons(read sharp instruments like Scale, pencils, blades, compasses, and all the safety pins ), we then started digging in a corner of the ground while my eldest cousin, showed his supremacy by digging faster and deeper, while we tiny tots cud cough up a few stones. When we were satisfied we slowly buried the bird, since we were supposed to pray something, and all we knew were our school prayers, we said it, complete with the national anthem and the pledge...My Anna mumbled a few more prayers, and then we all cried for the bird and said goodbye...By this time, the elders noticed that something was wrong as we were quite as a lamb, and when they saw what we had done, they were half laughing and scolding!!!

That was the story of the big mound....

Time passes away so soon, life went one, everyone went out for studies, we all flew away like the birds we named and now after so many years we were all together under one roof!! I turned back to see all my cousins sleeping!! They were tired after a whole day of work, as the bangles in my hands made a sound I looked down at my hand, it was so colorful with Mehendi and beautiful designs, a tiny sparkle caught my eye, a small star on my finger, as I looked at it carefully,I smiled at it, life never stopped, it just went on, the wonderful memories of childhood will always be treasured in my heart, now as I start my life afresh again, albeit my cousins, my family , my orchard, but with a wonderful human, who cared to know me, understand me and says, No matter what I will hold ur hand forever!!!

Life is so strange, people come and go, we tend to believe and pray they stay awhile more, but life goes on, till suddenly u stumble across that someone, who promises to hold your hands for life to come...Who says, this world is huge, but I will be a witness to ur life, I will stand by u through all your ups and downs, and love u for not what the world looks at u, but love u for who u are!! I will stand by u, even as ur hair turns grey, I will stand by u even when ur hands become fragile to be held, i will stand by you, till death does us apart!!!

A roar of laughter jolted me to reality, as I turned back, I found my cousins, they had caught me staring at my engagement ring, as I stood awaiting the moment before I would be called into the huge mandap for marriage, I looked at the mango tree and said a silent goodbye and after so many years she acknowledged by dropping a beautiful leaf into my hand!!

Life is very beautiful just learn to look at its beauty!!!!

Return gift to God!

Sometimes, people tend to look, happy yet there seems an ocean hidden in their heart! An ocean of hurt feelings, longings, desires and wounds, an ocean with surges with every pain, but subsides when it sees the whirlpool it creates. An ocean which doesn't quench thirst but increases it rather!! Crying or letting your emotions free, is not a sign of weakness as many think, but is a clear sign of letting the supreme personality take control over you!! It is a way of saying that I no longer have control over my life, please accept my Life as an offering at your Feet and show me the way!!!

I always felt that why bother others with my problems, when there are so many people suffering with such grave problems, why be selfish and think only about our own self! But a very good friend once told me, that you may hide your feelings and emotions from your loved ones but what about Him, He who resides in your soul and knows every iota bit of your life, can u hide from that Omnipresent Lord! That is when I realized, Life is not just a gift to laugh, it is a way of learning to realize Him even in the extreme circumstances....When you are most happy, realize His presence for He is the supreme bliss...When u are most depressed, see Him, for He is supreme mercy!

The Lord says, that I created and recreated myself to Love myself!! We all came from Him, we all will eventually reach Him, but just think for a second on these lines.....If you came from him, aren't you the embodiment of His divine Love, and if that be the case, are we so pure to merge again with Him. The ans is No. When he created us, we were pure, unblemished, white, but as we slowly started looking at the world, we forgot our whole purpose in Life, this life was given to us to realise him and we do all stuff except for that once facet! And we still claim we are supreme geniuses!!! Life went on well even when luxuries weren't invented but can Life go on without the Divine Will!

So every day and every second, whatever action we do, think for a second, as an embodiment of the divine form, will this act create any hindrance in my walk towards Him. Am I moving towards Him or away from Him!!!

Life is a gift from the Lord and let us return gift it to Him in a way that He is proud of this creation!!!